Very original: desperate Labour ghouls plan to get Andy Burnham back — again

MPs in the withering Labour Party have a master plan to try and stop a general election wipe-out. In a daring, novel and original move, the party will try to get Manchester mayor Andy Burnham back into parliament – again.

Yes, you heard right.

The Guardian newspaper — which also can’t get over the slow death of Labour — reported on 1 May that Burnham had a “credible plan”:

to return to Westminster “within weeks”, his allies have said, with the Greater Manchester mayor expected to use a byelection fight to set out a new agenda for government.

Desperate Keir Starmer blocked Burnham from running the Gorton and Denton by-election in February 2026. Burnham is seen as a credible centre-left figure by many of the party’s crypt-dwelling ghouls.

Burnham has:

identified several seats where MPs are prepared to step aside for his leadership bid.

The Guardian reported:

In a sign that his campaign is more progressed than previously thought, Burnham’s team is understood to have lined up an “impressive” candidate to replace him as Greater Manchester mayor.

Unnamed sources told the paper:

Allies said he planned to outline a “radical rewiring” of the state in the coming weeks – including sweeping changes to the electoral system and a 10-year growth plan.

Sounds like the usual jargony centrist garbage, but okay.

Bizarrely, generationally unpopular, probable war criminal Starmer could even end up running a major ministry as a sweetener for, erm, being deposed.

MPs have discussed the possibility of Burnham offering Starmer the chance to stay on as foreign secretary and continue work on the Iran war and Ukraine. Ed Miliband and Angela Rayner, another leadership rival, are expected to be offered top jobs in a Burnham government.

In an eruption of cringe on a scale likely not seen in these parts since the Norman Conquest, the paper even stooped to a Game of Thrones reference:

Burnham supporters said they hoped to convince the prime minister of the need for a more stable transition – rather than a bloody leadership contest – which would give the man dubbed “the king of the north” time to return.

Genius move, Andy.

We will watch with interest as self-serving Labour MPs and bureaucrats now backstab each other to death instead. Anything to avoid just accepting their party is a dead duck. It will provide another distraction from the fact that, like the Tories, Labour’s last chance has come and gone.

Featured image via OwenJones