Off the Perch has been required, under a new government wheeze, to employ at least one right-wing writer. So here’s Frank Lee-Bull. We’ve managed to get him out of the office at last but unfortunately he keeps filing copy.
Our great nation sits just a whisker away from the top spot in the medals table for the 2016 Rio Olympics, but one man can take absolutely no credit for this colossal achievement. Britain-hating Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn hasn’t won us a single one of those medals.
Off The Perch sent me to Rio to cover the games. I suspect my commie editorial team thought it convenient to place me on another continent while the Labour leadership battle carries on. Well, the joke’s on them, because nothing has clarified my thoughts on the beardy-faced, walking disaster zone that is Jeremy Corbyn like my weeks in Rio.
While his rallies might see turnouts in the thousands, the party membership swell to over half a million, Constituency Labour Parties back him at a rate of 285:53, and he looks set for a landslide in the forthcoming leadership election – there is something we must ask ourselves about Corbyn. That thing is this: what did he ever do to win us these medals in the Olympic Games?
Where was he when Bradley Wiggins and his team mates were training in high altitude conditions to prepare themselves for the team pursuit?
Where was he when Sophie Hitchon was tossing hammers about in a field, dreaming of one day winning a Bronze medal on the world stage?
Where was he when Laura Trott was falling off her tricycle, picking her 3-year-old self up, and valiantly getting back on – knowing one day she would win Gold?
The answer to this question is simple: he was whining on in some obscure House of Commons debate, or maybe on a megaphone somewhere, surrounded by anarchist, jihadist lunatics.
Wherever he was, and whatever he was doing, he wasn’t helping to make Britain great again. Why? Because he hates Britain. The man can barely bring himself to sing our own national anthem, and I have it on good authority that he refuses to hang a portrait of our glorious Queen in his home. Can you imagine?
So the message is clear. If you love the Olympics, and if you love Britain, you MUST stop Jeremy Corbyn. Because if you don’t, he might well become our next prime minister. If that happens, Rio will be the last Olympics in which Great Britain is represented. Come 2020, we’ll have to crowdfund to send a team to Tokyo, because Corbyn will have diverted the funds to some care scheme for the elderly. In short, we will be watching the next Olympics (and world events) from the sidelines, like sodding Guinea-Bissau!
Who are Guinea-Bissau? Exactly!
[Ed’s note: Feel free to stay in Brazil long after the Olympics have finished Frank.]
Featured Image via Flickr Creative Commons
Do your bit for independent journalism
Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.
We need you to help out, if you can.
When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.
You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.
In return you get:
- Advert free reading experience
- Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
- 20% discount from our shop