Brexit Tories bring back Age of Empire with new Royal transport

Support us and go ad-free

Prominent Brexit Tories, including Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, have decided that nothing says ‘Good old-fashioned British values’ like toadying up to the Royal Family. And nothing says ‘pointless, gratuitous, sick-inducing, over-the-top Royal extravagance’ like a Royal Yacht. And of course nothing says ‘Brexit’ quite as much as reheating mid-20th century jingoism.

In fact, some commentators who’ve been wrestling with the thorny question: “If Brexit means Brexit, what does Brexit mean?” are beginning to suspect that the answer is: “Brexit means giving the Queen her boat back”.

But of course these are difficult times for splashing the cash. Unlike in 1953 when the nation was awash with all the money saved by setting up the NHS and building hundreds of thousands of council houses, the UK economy is now feeling the inevitable pinch caused by spending hardly anything on public services for six years.

As a result, plans for any new form of Royal transport have had to be revised accordingly. Refitting the previous Britannia is a non-starter because the Royal Navy doesn’t have any sailors capable of steering a boat that isn’t compatible with their iPads.

Plans do exist for a new design, which would be specially tailored to the modern demands of basically being a floating arms fair. However, such a scheme would see the yacht funded from the private sector and it’s unclear how keen Liz and Phil would be on a Royal Yacht BAE Systems, or even a Royal Yacht Britannia Building Society.

In all probability, the Yachtmania will last as long as most of the other Brexit promises and be gradually reduced to the level of subsidised travel on the Thames Clipper river bus for senior and mid-ranking Royals. William and Kate will be OK, of course as they can always rely on helpful locals to carry them around.

Featured image via Flickr

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed