MPs agree to keep the Olden Days going

Support us and go ad-free

MPs gathered in parliament’s historic Westminster Hall on Monday and reached the conclusion that the ‘olden days’ are great and there’s absolutely no point changing anything from the way it’s always been.

This news has been greeted with wild enthusiasm by mill owners, slave drivers, and people who need their chimney swept but can’t afford a grown up. Opponents of votes for women have also voiced their delight.

Damn right!

Mill owner Timothy Hardgristle seemed particularly pleased:

What we’ve heard from the honourable and right honourable members today has confirmed everything I’ve always said. If a mill is well run, there’s nothing wrong with it. Closing us down, or killing us with red tape, would just put ordinary decent children out of work. And if there’s one thing I hate, it’s putting people out of work. Except when I closed my coal mine because the shipping route from South America got quicker. Also, I’d take issue with the lady from the opposition benches. Most of my workers have more of their fingers left than was the case in 1900. Why do these antis not recognise progress?


Nature lover Terry Chestnuts took a different view:

I can understand why Mr Hardgristle thinks the MPs were simply justifying any behaviour as long as it’s old fashioned enough. But actually the debate was only concerned with one relic of Victorian times – driven grouse shooting. Yes, things are better now than in 1900. But not by a great deal. By 1900, gamekeepers had wiped out some entire species from Britain. Then, laws began to stop them simply killing anything they didn’t like the look of. Gamekeepers still break these laws sometimes but at least the laws exist. So to use 1900 as a benchmark like some of these Tory MPs did is pretty stupid. We don’t say other things, like equal rights or healthcare, are perfect now just because they were worse in 1900. Do we?

You can watch the debate here thanks to the internet, a modern invention capable of shining a light on formerly obscure and furtive activities like grouse shooting and politics.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Get Involved!

– Watch Chris Packham’s introduction to driven grouse shooting.

– Check out Birders Against Wildlife Crime for advice on how to ‘Recognise, Record and Report’.

– For more satirical news, follow Off the Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed