The predicted de-evolution of American Presidents
The key difference between Donald Trump and the previous American Presidents is basically just everything about him. This break in tradition makes us wonder what sort of Presidents we can expect to see next. Now that candidates don’t have to be experienced. Or up to the job. Or even vaguely human.
To discover what’s coming next, we had an octopus make some predictions. Which seems ridiculous, but the octopus’ hit-rate is actually better than most professional polling companies.
Anyway – let’s have a look at who he predicted will be the next Presidents/Vice Presidents.
2020
Hulk Hogan / Dog the Bounty Hunter
CONS: Both are known for using derogatory racial slurs and looking ridiculous.
PROS: Both are known for using derogatory racial slurs and looking ridiculous. And that plays now.
Read on...
Support us and go ad-free2024
Two kids in a rain mac / Sock puppet
CONS: Having a puppet President being an actual puppet might be a bit on the nose.
PROS: There are two kids in the rain mac, so the President will be at least twice as smart as Bush/Trump/etc.
2028
Duke Nukem / Clippy
CONS: Neither physically exist.
PROS: Both understand that America must explode/irritate its enemies.
2032
Bag of medical waste with a face drawn on it / Snowman
CONS: Yes.
PROS: 50% festive.
2034
Sound of someone screaming / Festering pig carcass being picked at by crows
CONS: Probably won’t matter by that point.
PROS: Will maybe – just maybe – make people realise that the American political system is never going to throw up a worthwhile candidate.
Who are you expecting to see become President next? Be sure to let us know on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured and included images via Flickr / Flickr / Youtube / Flickr / Flickr / Flickr / Wikimedia / Flickr / Flickr / Flickr / Flickr
Support us and go ad-freeWe know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
