Following months of panic! Following months of confusion! Following months of “Brexit means Brexit”! Following months of “Boris Johnson” means “foreign diplomacy”! Following months of free-falling sterling! The government has finally – FINALLY! – released its 3-point plan for Brexit!
And, as you’d expect, it’s dog-sh*t.
The Labour Party called for the government to explain its Brexit plans, and then set about producing a motion to force it into this. Most political parties supported this, because it would let the public know what to expect from Brexit. And knowing what to expect would obviously enable businesses and workers to prepare themselves better.
The Tories were against it, however. Primarily as they didn’t actually have a plan. And they knew that, if we found out, we’d be madder than a Hacienda rave full of wasps.
The government confused things, though, by adding an amendment to the motion. Said amendment being that if MPs wanted to know their plan, they’d have to agree to enact Article 50 first. Which is… ugh. A pretty terrible deal. Like agreeing to buy a twenty-second-hand Robin Reliant on the condition that you’ll be able to see it after you’ve paid for it.
True to its word, the government has now released its 3-point Brexit plan. And it is:
- Come up with a plan.
- Carry out the plan.
- Cross fingers and pray.
The first thing to note is that it’s a far more comprehensive and complicated plan than we were expecting. The second is that it’s still not really a plan. And the third is that we’re all almost certainly doomed.
Of course, its doubtful that the Tories could have come up with a plan which would have pleased everyone. Which is probably why they’re not bothering to come up with one in the first place. It’s also potentially why they’re waiting for the EU to force us into a position from its overwhelmingly better bargaining standpoint.
The problem is that the UK has four main schools of thought when it comes to Brexit:
- People who are successfully managing to have no interest in the subject (lucky f*ckers).
- Voters who want a wall between ourselves and Europe at any cost – even if that means draining our oil reserves and setting fire to the North Sea.
- Citizens who never want to leave the EU, and plan on claiming asylum at their local Aldi if Article 50 is ever enacted.
- People who want change but don’t want another lost decade.
The government knows that it can’t please all of us all of the time. But it can leave us befuddled and disappointed most of the time. And it’s going to carry on leaving us like that until circumstances force it into something different.
Or possibly just increase fossil-fuel use and pray for an early apocalypse.
Featured image via John Shafthauer for Off The Perch
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?