Everyone knows that Trump has been struggling to find first-rate performers to play at his inauguration. The incoming President having so far been turned down by:
- The Wombles.
- PJ and Duncan.
- Chas and Dave.
- The Vengaboys.
- Charles Manson.
- Everyone else.
Yet he has managed to find someone to perform for him. Someone who looked at the global reaction to the greasy, comb-over bigot and thought:
You know what, people might not like this guy, but he has offered to pay me money, so f*ck it.
The person in question being ‘The Lord of the Dance’ himself, Michael Flatley. But unfortunately for the one-time Riverdancer, the dance he’s been booked to perform is not the one that he’s famous for.
Not blatant at all
According to a White House insider, Flatley turned up to practice and was greeted by Trump himself. When the dance troupe began performing its trademark Irish show, however, Trump became irritated. When they stopped, the President-elect approached them and said:
Okay, okay, that’s a very nice jig. But you’re not doing that on the night, right? I mean, something like that, sure. But you need to squat more.
A shocked Flatley stared at Trump and asked “squat more”? Without missing a beat, Trump responded:
Sure. You need to squat bigly. Like this…
He then proceeded to perform a very accomplished Hopak, which many will know as ‘that Russian squat dance’. This prompted several of Trump’s aides to rush over and ask him to stop doing the signature Russian (or Ukrainian) dance in public. The President-elect carried on dancing, however. Assuring them that his technical mastery of the iconic performance in no way implied he’d had more dealings with Russia than he admits. Although they didn’t actually understand him, as he’d accidentally slipped into Russian while talking.
Lord of the Flounce
Flatley did apparently consider reneging on his contract when he discovered Trump’s plans. But then remembered he was going to get paid. And that he basically just doesn’t give a f*ck.
Which means we do still have all that to look forward to. Along with some dancing bears, and a performance by everyone’s favourite pop-duo, t.A.T.u.
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?