BBC to be 50% Nigel Farage by 2019

BBC to be 50% Nigel Farage by 2019
Support us and go ad-free

As part of its continuing mission to achieve ‘balance’, the BBC has announced a new quota. Namely to ensure that all of its output is 50% Nigel Farage by 2019. Because, as we all know, every single event must be filtered through the brain of a politician who has serially failed to become an MP, because…


…why is that a thing again?

Making plans with Nigel

Viewers will have noticed that the BBC is currently about 25% Nigel Farage. A frighteningly low figure which puts ordinary Brits in danger of not constantly knowing Farage’s opinion.

Recent appearances by Farage have included:

  • The UKIP leader shows up on Teletubbies and accuses Tinky-Winky of being a fascist for telling Po to stop being mean to Dipsy.
  • Farage demands that David Attenborough returns to the UK and produces a cutting-edge 10-hour documentary series about pigeons.
  • Farage shows up on the weather report and says: “I’m not saying all bad weather is caused by homosexuals, but members of my party certainly are”.
  • The UKIP leader sits in on the BBC News at Ten and asks why no one is reporting on a conspiracy theory about Sweden being completely overrun by Daesh (Isis/Isil).
  • Farage is a guest on Have I Got News For You. But instead of joining in with the mirth, he just tears his shirt off and screams the word “BREXIT” in Ian Hislop’s face.

The future

The BBC has reassured viewers that all future programming will feature Nigel Farage. Obviously, Farage may not always be available. But there’s a reliable stand-in for such occasions. Namely a stretched, animatronic puppet of Mr Toad that’s had its skin painted grey and is programmed to shout “FOREIGNERS!” on command.

Get Involved!

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr  / Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed