Nuclear submarine found in charity shop ‘could slash Trident costs’

Charity shop submarine
John Ranson

Following the discovery in a Welsh charity shop of plans for a nuclear submarine, an actual complete working vessel has turned up at another similar store. Staff arrived to open up and discovered the 280ft sub on the pavement outside. Along with a bin bag full of clothes, and cardboard boxes containing 14 years of The Radio Times. Manager Glenda Sherry said:

We expect it was a well-meaning member of the public, or possibly the First Sea Lord. It’s probably one of the strangest things we’ve ever had donated.


Some people have pointed out the possible security risk of having things like nuclear submarines freely available on the high street. But others are taking the opportunity to turn the heat on the government.

Lifelong anti-nuclear campaigner Cliff Rainbow says this is a chance to level the public spending playing field:

Until now the Tories have been adamant that we must invest billions in new Trident submarines. But when you can buy a decent second hand one in a charity shop, we should ask questions about value for money. In any case, every other public service runs on a combination of spending way less than is realistic and hoping volunteers will fill in the gaps. Sourcing our military equipment from charity shops looks like Cameron’s Big Society finally happening.


Mrs Sherry said she isn’t quite sure what price to put on the unusual item, which would have cost around £200m when it was new. She’ll probably accept any reasonable offer. And with it weighing nearly 5,000 tons, she’s decided to leave it where it is for the time being.


We’ve just had a voicemail from Mrs Sherry:

The submarine has sold. A young man with Edwardian facial hair and large glasses gave us £500 and said he wanted to convert it into a pop-up theme bar. I don’t even know what that means!

Here’s hoping the hipster doesn’t fiddle with anything and cause a radiological incident to engulf Shoreditch.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Vintage Vixen / Wikimedia

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed

John Ranson