Farage and Assange caught forming a Europe cover band

Farage and Assange OTP
Support us and go ad-free

When Nigel Farage was spotted coming out of the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, most people assumed he’d been plotting world domination with Julian Assange.

But it’s now been revealed that something far more sinister, weird, and drivingly melodic was happening.

The two men were forming a cover band.

Of Europe?

We spoke to a cleaner who walked in on the duo:

I was cleaning the hallway outside Mr Assange’s room when I heard the unmistakable riff from The Final Countdown. A riff which was quickly followed by the unmistakable sound of two men who can’t sing trying to harmonise.

I walked into Mr Assange’s room and saw that the two men had removed their shirts and tied their ties round their heads. Farage was smoking a cigarette with his eyes closed while roughly manhandling what appeared to be a child-size bass guitar. On his sweaty beer belly I noticed he had ‘Europe’ tattooed above a panther that was coloured like the Swedish flag.

When Mr Assange saw me, he shouted that I had to get out, and then threw a tambourine at me. He didn’t need to tell me twice.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

But Europe? Seriously?

The last band you’d expect Farage to enjoy would be Europe. And yet WikiLeaks obtained material which showed that Farage has run a Europe fan club since 1982. The information just hadn’t surfaced before now because no one really reads those massive leaks. They just read the first few pages, and then copy the highlights from BuzzFeed.

Assange read some of it, though. And he used the information to fake an interest in 80s stadium-rock to make a new friend.

Which allegedly isn’t the worst thing Assange has done to make a powerful friend, but it’s close.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia / Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed