United Airlines confirms leggings ban and presses ahead with further rules

United Airlines leggings ban
John Ranson

An airline which stopped several girls from travelling because they were wearing leggings has refused to budge.

The girls were travelling on an employee family pass and were therefore ‘representing the company’. Perhaps their paycheques are in the post.

Uproar

United Airlines has stood firm over its policy, despite the best efforts of a number of celebrities. A lot of people who aren’t celebrities also thought United was being a douche and gave the PR team a day to remember.

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.

Uptight

The airline has now confirmed that female ‘pass travellers’ under 18 months old should wear a full coverage Babygro. Above that age but under 13, they should dress like Jessica Fletcher from Murder, She Wrote. Teens and older should wear full buttoned-up Victorian day dresses. No ankles or wrists on view. Bosses hope this should confirm United’s reputation as a really respectable airline.

United attempted to fend off accusations of double standards by confirming that boys and gentlemen would also have to wear clothes.

Uplift

Aviation experts have questioned the safety aspects of United’s plan to make its planes wear top hats. Although they’ve conceded that, once all planes have to taxi along behind a nostalgia-soaked man-with-a-red-flag, this won’t be a problem. United admits the new procedure will lengthen journey times. And it may have to withdraw certain destinations that don’t have wide enough roads for a jumbo.

Up themselves

Off The Perch contacted a United executive to ask whether anyone had thought any of this through. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them” was his eerily robotic response.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed