May threatens to withhold ‘Downton Abbey’ unless the EU caves in to our demands

Support us and go ad-free

When we handed in our Article 50 papers, Theresa May made it clear that unless we get a favourable deal, we would passively collaborate with ISIS to ensure the deaths of mainland Europeans withhold security information.

That plan didn’t work, however. And so the PM has been forced to bring out the big guns.

Period drama

If there’s one thing that Britain is known for, it’s all that period drama bollocks we pump out. Which is why May threatened to withhold the next series of ‘Downton Abbey’ from our continental cousins.

The only problem, as the EU’s trained negotiators pointed out, is that ‘Downton Abbey’ has finished. And so May threatened to withhold some other things. The list of such things including:

  • The Beatles.
  • David Beckham.
  • Music Hall.
  • The Teletubbies.
  • Rick Astley.
  • Prawn Cocktails.

Once more, the negotiators were quick to point out that these were things that alternatively were:

  1. Not really things anymore.
  2. Never that desirable in the first place.
  3. Probably not even British (in the case of prawn cocktails, which were also no longer a thing and undesirable).

Made in Britain

After failing to name anything the Europeans might want, the PM shouted:

Do we not make anything worthwhile in this country anymore?

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

At which point someone passed her a red baseball cap that said ‘MAKE BANANAS BENDY AGAIN’. And all at once the reality of her bargaining hand sunk in.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr / Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed