Independent Media | Campaigning Journalism
Selling missiles is totally Christian if you write ‘Easter’ on them, says PM
Theresa May has used her visit to Saudi Arabia to criticise one of the greatest injustices in the world. Namely that Cadbury has stopped using the word ‘Easter’ on its products. Which isn’t entirely true, but the fact that The Telegraph is saying otherwise is at least 100% genuine.
Telegraph accuses #NationalTrust of airbrushing religion from Easter egg hunt by er airbrushing Easter out of original image @KatieMorley_ pic.twitter.com/IRqrDIyVy4
— Otto English (@Otto_English) April 4, 2017
Egg-pun
Off The Perch (OTP) managed to catch up with the PM before her big sales pitch to the Saudis:
OTP: You certainly seem to have very strong Christian beliefs. How do you square them with selling arms to Saudi Arabia while it wages a universally condemned war against Yemen?
PM: Missiles are 100% Christian if you write Easter on them. That’s why we’re happy to announce our latest missile – the EASTER BASTARD 9000.
OTP: Err… okay..? But didn’t the Bible also say “thou shalt not kill”?
PM: Well, yes. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make a killing from selling arms to people who do.
OTP: I think it probably does mean that, actually. But moving forwards, do you think more corporations should have stronger Christian values? Do you think capitalism needs to be more virtuous?
PM: Eww, no. They just need to use religious iconography and branding to sell more products. That’s why I keep telling them to sell a special edition ‘Cruci-Twix’ too. Just like Jimbob would have wanted.
OTP: Sorry, do you mean ‘Jesus’?
PM: You can’t expect me to remember the name of every Mark, Luke, and Harry in the Bibble! Now stand still so I can throw the first stone at you!
OTP: Sorry, did you just say ‘Bibble’? OW! I’M BEING STONED!
https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/849188409574928384
Scripture
Although some people are claiming that weapons aren’t very Christian, it’s come to light that missiles are mentioned in the Bible exactly as many times as chocolate eggs.
And you can probably guess how many times that is.
https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/849187474341539840
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?
Support us