United Airlines remove passenger mid-flight following complimentary peanut shortage

United Airlines were criticised this week for beating up an elderly doctor. Yet somehow, the situation has plummeted even further since then.

And quite literally so in the case of one of their passengers.

An unexpected exit

One passenger claims the incident took place when the complimentary peanuts were being handed out, and the cabin crew ran out before being able to offer everyone a packet.

Although the passenger who got left out didn’t even want peanuts, the air attendants started shouting:

It’s not about you, chump-knuckle

And:

How’s it going to look on our next development review if our peanut distribution dips below 100%?

Read on...

In an effort to keep their legume-delivery statistics high, the crew did what any United Airlines crew would. They opened the door and forcibly ejected the defiant passenger out of the plane.

Soz

United Airlines have of course released a statement in response:

Look, no one was more irritated by this situation than us. Do you think we want to be answering questions about why we’re throwing passengers off planes? Do you realise how bad that makes us look?

The fact of the matter is that United Airlines have maintained a peanut success rate of 100% for years. But we mess up once, and suddenly we’re the bad guys!

Survival

Readers will be glad to know that the ejected passenger did actually survive. And he’s suing United Airlines for peanuts. Actual peanuts too. Because obviously that’s all they’re going to have left following the PR nightmare they’re about to experience.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Public Domain Pictures / Wikimedia

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed