Here’s why super negotiator Boris Johnson will avert WWIII

John Shafthauer

Many people have been worrying that the world is on the brink of World War III.

The US and Russia are squaring up over Syria; the US and North Korea are bickering over who gets to have the most unhinged leader and President Trump is poised to nuke anyone who disses him on Twitter.

But through the chaos, confusion, and fear is a beacon of light. A man whose power to negotiate is unmatched by any other.

And that man is the British Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson.


But what is it about Boris that makes him so ideally suited for talking the world out of WWIII?

Well for a start, there is his superior negotiating strategy. This was best seen in the European Referendum. Because despite the fact that Brexit was a terrible idea and Boris was dead against it, the wily Etonian fop actually argued in its favour. And he was so successful that we ended up leaving. Even though that was the exact opposite of what he wanted. Genius!

There’s also Boris’ talent for not jamming his foot in his mouth. Because the last thing you want at a discussion between world leaders trying to avert the apocalypse is some loafer-brained artisto-twonk spouting a load of racism, comparing our allies to Hitler, and then spouting a load more racism to counter the hostility directed at his earlier racism.

We also shouldn’t neglect to mention Bo-Jo’s rat-like cunning! After all, this is the man who shrewdly placed the future of his career and country on the loyalty of Michael Gove!

And thank goodness he did. Because if he hadn’t acted so wisely, we wouldn’t find ourselves in the fortunate position of having him as Foreign Secretary now.

And we wouldn’t find ourselves treading water in the shipwreck of Western civilisation, while the lifeboat of Boris bumbles over to save us.

So three cheers for Boris!



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John Shafthauer