‘Not fraud, just many mistakes that had the same effect’ say electoral investigators

Support us and go ad-free

The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has finally returned its verdict on the Conservative election fraud scandal. And that verdict is:


It wasn’t fraud at all. It was just lots and lots (and lots) of mistakes that coincidentally happened to benefit them in exactly the same way that fraud would have done!

Oh, right – wait – what?

We spoke to a fraud expert to find out how this is a thing:

Well, it’s simple isn’t it. No one knew what they were doing. And ignorance is a defence if you’re rich. Did you not know that?

Our reporter explained that no, they did not.

Oh yes, we fancy folk can get away with a whole heap of things if we’re able to prove unawareness. For instance, I could strike you in the face right now, and as long as I looked the other way while I did it, I’d get off scot-free!

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

The rich expert then proceeded to strike our journalist in the face. We complained that they hadn’t even looked away as they did it. But unfortunately, the Independent Pleb-Striking Commission ruled that the expert had at least considered looking away, and that was good enough for them.

But seriously?

Yes, seriously!

It really – and quite clearly – is one rule for us and another for them.

Simply not realising they’re breaking the law is enough to get them off the hook. Even if it actually looks like somebody certainly must have realised what was going on.

But at least we’ve got a chance to vote them out coming up.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed