Fox hunting is about as popular in Britain as war films in which Americans take credit for things they didn’t do.
Less popular than that, in fact.
So about as popular as a non-factual submarine epic in which all the characters are played by the Crazy Frog.
And yet, despite that, Theresa May is planning to give MPs a free vote on the matter.
Because she’s so confident of victory that she can do something no Tory has done in a long time:
GO FULL TORY
Seeing May hint at going Full Tory is a terrifying sight indeed. Like walking into a room and finding a giant snakeskin – knowing that something larger and more hideous has slithered out.
But what other unpopular schemes can we expect to return?
We spoke to Count Dracula, the head of the Conservative thinkthank FullTory4Eva:
Fox hunting is but the beginning! Those glamorous hedge rats hardly have any blood in them anyway. So obviously we’ve got our eyes set on bigger game!
Another thing we’ll be bringing back are workhouses. Do you think it’s coincidental that we stopped child labour, and then a mere century later we have a childhood obesity crisis? Of course not!
We’ll also be bringing back Sir Jimmy of Savile. He may be universally despised, but he was a cracking fundraiser for us!
And guess what, bloodbags? You’ve already decided to vote for us. So now you need to suck it up, and deal with everything we have planned for you. Blerr!
After hissing at our reporter, the Count proceeded to transmogrify into a bat and fly through a window. The window was actually closed, though. So the Count repeatedly flew into it – angrily cursing at our reporter for not letting him out.
Once the window was opened, the Tory blood-sucker flew into the night and shouted:
I’m going to make you regret opening that window for me!
Which is also the Tories’ plan for everyone who votes for them.
Do your bit for independent journalism
Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.
We need you to help out, if you can.
When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.
You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.
In return you get:
- Advert free reading experience
- Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
- 20% discount from our shop