‘Strong and stable’ May too strong and stable to debate ‘naked and alone’ Corbyn

Support us and go ad-free

When Theresa May ducked out of debating Jeremy Corbyn, most people thought:

Wow. That is so strong and stable.

This later led to disappointment for Labour supporters, though, as Corbyn bowed out too.

But now he’s back!

The Labour leader tore his shirt off in a busy town centre and screamed “FACE ME!” so loud that a distant Iain Duncan Smith thought the devil had returned to finalise their deal.

A new challenger approaches

According to the press, May said:

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Although this was because, at first, she didn’t realise that not talking in soundbites was an option. And once this was explained to her, she obviously had to come up with another excuse. So she claimed:

If I went on this debate, I’d do so well that the EU would realise how totally amazing at words-talking I am. Because when it comes to putting words in a satisfying order that is satisfying for all and without any disappointment, I am notably more than adequate. But we don’t want the EU to know that, because then they’d prepare more. Which is why I’ve been… pretending… to carry on like a talentless, incompetent robot.

And if the EU reads this announcement, they’ll probably just think I’m talking bollocks again. Although… Hmm… I should probably delete that last bit, actually. I just hope there isn’t an error with Windows XP that leads to me accidentally sending this message. This message that I’m typing as I think.

Now to hit what I assume is the delete button.

The Prime Minister later sent a follow-up message that simply read:

Strong and stable.

Politics

It’s worth remembering that we’ve been told for two years that Corbyn couldn’t politics his way out of a wet paper bag. And yet, in the last month, he’s made a Prime Minister whose key strength is her alleged ‘strength’ refuse to face him twice.

A new Prime Minister approaches.

Get Involved!

– Go out and vote on 8 June.

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia / YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed