British people already looking forward to the next election [SATIRE]

Next election OTP
Support us and go ad-free

Up and down the country, British people are absolutely gutted that the election is over. And they’re saying they can’t wait until the next one.

Excitement

“It made you feel like you existed”, said heavily-targeted swing voter Terry Chestnuts:

Before the election, the only time my town had been on the news was when an ice cream van fell in the harbour. But then two weeks ago, all the cameras and reporters turned up. There was only about fifteen seconds on the telly but you could see the old bus shelter where I first kissed my now-wife.

Shy Tory Fenella Fitzpatrick-Fitzsimmons told Off The Perch the election campaign had been:

A welcome opportunity to find out who one’s friends are.

While first time Labour voter Jemima Hope lived up to her name:

It’s been so exciting to actually have something to be optimistic about. I’ve talked to so many people about ideas and about what makes a good country. It feels like more people care about the world than I realised. I don’t want that feeling to go away.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Meh

Although not everyone has been so enthusiastic. One TV industry insider spilled the beans to us after we agreed to settle his bar bill:

The election stuff is cheap, it’s easy and it guarantees OK ratings. But it really buggers up the schedules. You’re trying to launch a new show and then suddenly everything gets bumped so that the third-choice newsreader can stand in front of graphs for fifty minutes. I’ll be glad when it’s over and we can get back into our usual routine of boring the country to death with makeover shows, dashcam shows, and poverty voyeurism.

Commitment

But regular decent person Tina Mac made a good point:

It’s great that lots of people have got involved in the election campaign. Stuff’s getting talked about and communities are having these important discussions. There’s no reason for that to stop. Democracy’s not a once every five or whatever years thing. So yeah, if this campaign has got you started, then Friday is the day you continue. Get stuck in.

Get Involved!

Go to the polling station by 10:00pm on 8 June.

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed