If there’s one thing we now know about Theresa May, it’s that she’s about as likely to give a straight answer as Jeremy Corbyn is to whip out a nuclear launch button and shout:
PHWOAR! LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY! I LOVE A BIT OF THE OLD ULTRA-APOCALYPSE!
Which presented May with a problem on election day, as she was asked a very important question indeed. And that question was: who should lead the country going forwards?
Allegedly, May was in the voting booth for some 45 minutes. Eventually, one of the volunteers asked:
Have you voted yet?
I’m very clear that I’m dedicated to the idea of voting, and that only I can bring the strong and stable slogans that will allow us to Brexit means Brexit.
Read on...Support us and go ad-free
The volunteer replied:
May spent another 50 minutes in the booth – assumedly still being unable to actually give a straight answer. She then flitted out of the booth and attempted to flee, as if she were illicitly running through a golden field of wheat.
Her advisers managed to wrestle her back into the booth, however, and told her that she wasn’t allowed out until she’d made her mind up.
Two hours later
Eventually, May forced herself into making a choice. As she left the building, a voter outside jokingly asked if she’d voted for herself. May answered:
Let me be very clear, the person I voted for is the person best placed to lead this country.
The voter looked stunned and said:
Oh, so you voted for Jeremy Corbyn then?
May winced and pulled one of those faces she pulls that make her look like an owl on disco-tablets:
How could I not? I don’t even know what the other candidate stands for, and I’m the other candidate!
And this is why – if you respect Theresa May – you should vote for Corbyn.
Just like she may have done.
– Go out and vote on 8 June, before 10:00pm.
Featured image via Flickr
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?