Turkeys For Christmas campaign endorses Theresa May on election day [SATIRE]

The Turkeys For Christmas campaign has endorsed Conservative leader Theresa May in the UK general election. The coalition of turkeys in favour of self-slaughter for the sake of Christmas dinner says that May is their number one candidate to lead Britain.

Gobble, gobble

The spokesturkey for the campaign group, Justin Thyme, told Off The Perch:

There is only one way for young, old, sick, disabled, in-work, out-of-work voters to go today. Go blue. Vote Theresa May.

When asked why the group favoured the Conservatives over Labour, Thyme answered:

It’s simple. May is the only leader brave enough to say no. She has steadfastly refused to do anything to help anyone not rich enough to buy their own island. And despite enormous pressure to do so. That’s real leadership. Unwavering.

Off The Perch asked why a group of turkeys would support the eating of turkeys at Christmas. Would this not mean you getting killed, plucked, roasted, and eaten?

‘Oh, of course not,’ Thyme replied. ‘Not us. We don’t mean turkeys like us. No, we’re all fine. We mean the other turkeys.’

Read on...

At this point in the interview, a fellow turkey whispered in Thyme’s ear. The spokesturkey’s coxcomb turned white, and he gasped:

They’re going to eat US?!

Off The Perch sought to clarify if this would change the turkeys’ position on Christmas or Theresa May, but he flapped away too fast. Our team attempted to follow-up with a phone interview, but the campaign’s telephone number is now disconnected and the campaign henhouse shuttered.

Get Involved!

Go out and vote on 8 June, before 10:00pm.

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed