‘We like the Tories now they’ve admitted austerity was a con,’ says absolutely no one

Support us and go ad-free

As they often do when things look bad for them, the Tories have said that they can’t get away with austerity anymore:

And this time, they may have to live up to their usually good-for-nothing word. Mainly because their parliamentary position is more precarious than a tightrope walker covered in Pedigree Chum walking across a shark-infested acid vat.

This means that, if they want to lead as a minority government, they’ll only be able to bring forward proposals so uncontroversial that they’d even win support in a parliament comprised of the Nazi Party, Bob Marley and the Wailers, and that X-Man whose super-power was the inability to ever agree with anything.

Wait, but what?

To some people, the idea that austerity can just be dropped is a mystery:

Don’t we have to balance the books? Don’t we have to live within our means? How can we just stop it when you told us it was the only way of getting us out of this mess?

Whereas most other people already realise that austerity was always an ideological ploy designed to redirect money from public services to the rich. A ploy which has actually seen national debt do nothing but rise. A ploy which has seen life get harder for most of us while the rich have got even richer. Like blood-sucking mosquitoes draining the last liquid from a dehydrated cash-cow in the desert:

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

So promising to drop unnecessary austerity after seven years of unnecessarily perpetrating it is just another slap in the face. Coming after a long period of our government offering nothing but slaps. Meaning there’s no chance of us turning the other check, as most of us ran out of cheeks years ago!


Off The Perch asked people to respond to this development:


The Tories have found themselves in an impossible situation. They can:

  1. Carry on trying to push austerity and not being able to get it through parliament.
  2. Admit it was all just top japes and hope they don’t get strapped onto a rocket and fired into the sun.

Which will at the very least be fun to watch. Especially for those of us who got screwed over and now see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Pexels

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed