Queen announces the government’s plan to continue acting like it has a plan

Queen OTP
Support us and go ad-free

After several delays, the Queen’s speech has taken place. But all was not as it should be. As a clearly ‘not amused’ Queen gave the impression that she wasn’t signing in a ‘government’ so much as a ‘govermess’.

Are we on? 

The Queen turned up to her speech wearing a shell suit and smoking a roll-up cigarette.

“Are you filming?” the Queen asked a cameraman, as she flicked her fag into a bin full of Tory manifestos. “Because one is due down the bingo in 20 minutes”.

The Queen was informed that the cameras were indeed rolling, and so she had a go at the speech:

There seem to be several pages missing? Had trouble running some of these ideas past the public, did we? Well, let’s see what else you’ve got.

Okay, so it says here that you want to carry on making things… ‘better’… for ordinary people… Is that a typo? No? So it shouldn’t say ‘worse’ then?

Well I must say that you people have an inflated opinion of yourselves. And that’s coming from a woman whose face is on the £50 note!

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

What else is in here? Okay, so it says that you’ve cancelled my speech next year. What a shame. I was really looking forward to serving up whatever dog’s dinner you had on the 2018 menu. Maybe you could go into coalition with Foot and Mouth disease, or elect the woman who put a cat in a bin as your new leader?

Anyway, if that’s it, I’m off!

The job complete, her Majesty proceeded to light another cigarette, shake her head at Theresa May, and then ride off to Mecca Bingo on her royal ostrich.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed