‘No need for a second election because Corbyn’s already calling the shots,’ PM confirms

Support us and go ad-free

Many people have expected a second election to happen in 2017. Or at least in 2018 anyway. Because if not 2018, then that will be the first year since 2013 that we’ve not had a game-changing election or referendum. And we wouldn’t want to go more than 12 months without the sky falling in, would we?

Theresa May, however, has confirmed that a second election is unnecessary. Largely because Jeremy Corbyn is already calling the shots:

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

May also confirmed that she will be shadowing Corbyn until such a time that she works out how to do government.


Off The Perch went to the HQ of British government. Which is no longer 10 Downing Street, but actually Jeremy Corbyn’s allotment. A scene where the leader of the country was teaching Theresa May about things like compassion, leadership, and wheel barrow maintenance.

“I just dug where you asked me, Jeremy, and I found a load of potatoes!” May said. “Under the ground!”

A kind yet amused Corbyn looked on.

“Where did you think vegetables came from, Theresa?”

“Well, I’d heard the rumours. But I thought it was one of those funny working-class jokes. You know, like the North of England. That’s why I struggled eating those chips.”

Working for Britain

Corbyn explained that vegetables – and indeed most things – were harvested or produced by working people via a process called ‘hard graft’.

“Is that how it works?” May asked. “You know, I suspected all these working-class types were layabouts. Now that I’ve tried a bit of this work myself, though, I can see that it’s actually quite tiring. And I’m thinking that, rather than trying to make working people’s lives worse, we could actually make them better?”

The benevolent Buddha of the allotments smiled knowingly.

“That’s lesson one, Theresa,” Corbyn said. “Next, I’ll teach you why selling arms to hostile foreign powers may be financially lucrative, but the cost against our collective conscience is simply not worth the price.”

“And what’s after that?” May asked.

“Then, we’ll be running a jumble sale for abandoned parrots,” Corbyn said wisely.

And then, the greying sage and his apprentice went off to run the country/make jam/smash neoliberalism.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed