There’s been some worry about whether Brexit will be a success. Especially as it transpired that when Boris Johnson said he wanted to ‘have his cake and eat it’, it turned out that the ‘the cake’ was us. A cake which Boris ultimately ended up falling face-first into. Like a hapless ex-clown accidentally cream-pieing himself in the face at a serious job interview.
But despite all that, it now turns out that Brexit will be a great success!
Because our brave leader, Theresa May, has managed to secure a verbal contract with the world’s most reliable man.
And that man, of course, is none other than Donald Trump:
Trust in him
The teachers we’ve got there make Albert Brainstein look like that dumb, orange idiot I keep overhearing people talking about. I don’t know who this guy is, but if he’s half as dumb as people say his is, then he must be – you know – pretty dumb. And I say that as someone with a doctorate from Trump University, so obviously I’m a good judge of these things.
Regarding the deal he’s offering the UK, Trump confirmed it will be:
What is it you Brits say? Lovely jubbly? Well it’s going to be more lovely jubbly than you can handle. Seriously! No one jubbles lovelies like Donald Trump. So consider your lovelies jubbled.
The other great thing is that we know Trump will be around for a long time. Because there’s no chance of him being impeached. Or even being investigated.
At least this week he’s saying that he’s not under investigation anyway.
And although he said the exact opposite quite recently, we’re sure that this time the thing he said is the thing that’s true.
Because that’s the kind of guy Donald Trump is. The kind of guy who’s 100% true to whatever it is he just muttered. Even if it’s 100% at odds with everything he said last week.
Featured image via Wikipedia
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?