Darth May asks Jeremy Corbyn’s Rebel Alliance for help running the Empire

Darth May asks Jeremy Corbyn's Rebel Alliance for help running the Empire OTP
Support us and go ad-free

Against all the odds, Jeremy Corbyn’s plucky Rebel Alliance managed to blow up Darth May’s Death Star earlier this summer. And although the Empire was left intact, it was still a massive blow. Especially as the Death Star was supposed to blow things up – not get blown up itself! A Death Star which no one forced the Empire to build in the first place.

But Darth May has come up with an unusual plan to make up for the loss of her primo space weapon. A plan which we should all have a bad feeling about.

Help me, Jeremy Corbyn

Corbyn was practicing his lightsaber skills one day when his trusty droids, C3-PLP and R2-John McDonnell, brought him a holographic message from Darth May:

It’s come to our attention that, actually, your lot are quite popular. As such, we were wondering if you’d give us a bit of credibility and help us run the Empire?

Obviously, we still want to rule with an iron fist, but we’re thinking that if we use your hand instead of ours, then people might think you’re a load of nerf-herders too. Just like we did with the Liberal Wookiecrats.

Anyway, get back in touch soon. I promised Branson the Hutt a pretty sweet tax deal, and if I can’t follow through on that he’s going to feed me to his rancor.

Corbyn was confused by the request, as obviously the Rebel Alliance is popular precisely because it’s not the Galactic Empire. And while an intergalactic coalition might be good for a few space bucks, it would ultimately play as badly as Star Tories: Episode 1 – The Cameron Menace.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

It’s a trap!

The other problem Darth May is having is that she didn’t run the plan past her boss – Emperor Rupert Murdoch. Which is why the shriveled old sith wants to replace her with either Kylo Michael Gove or Jar-Jar Boris Johnson.

Who are both incredibly unpopular, of course. But at least they’re not asking the opposition to rule the galaxy for them.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed