When asked exactly what it is the Brexiteers want to do in a recent interview, Boris Johnson said:
Well, we want to be free to do what we want to do.
And we want to eat chlorinated chicken.
Chlorine being the same chemical that we’ve historically used to eradicate germs and soldiers.
To which many people who voted Brexit responded:
Things could possibly get worse-r
Obviously, getting rid of all the EU red tape is the aim of the game. But it turns out that some of that tape may actually have been preventing businesses from selling us things like:
- Flammable radiators.
- Meat pies in which the definition of ‘meat’ was as broad as you can imagine.
- TNT lolly pops.
- Somewhat reliable condoms.
- Smarties with the word ‘medicine’ written on them.
Lord of the lies
Johnson later clarified:
I’m pretty sure that, when I said we could have our cake and eat it, people understood that what I actually meant was force down our chlorinated chicken and bear it.
When it was put to Johnson that many people definitely didn’t believe that, he said:
Look, if people didn’t realise that I talked giblets by 2016, then that’s their problem! It’s not like I was shy about it!
Johnson then asked to be alone with his dinner. A dinner comprised of rare and endangered birds that he cheerfully explained were rinsed in champagne and plebeian tears.
Because you know that the people making these rules won’t be eating chemically hosed foul, right?
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?