Scientists discover just who the hell actually supports Jacob Rees-Mogg
When most people hear that Jacob Rees-Mogg is suddenly very popular, they think:
No. No he isn’t.
Yet despite there being less appetite for a Mogg premiership than there is for the return of mad cow disease, the media keeps telling us it’s happening.
So who actually supports this antiquated silent movie villain?
Scientists believe they have an answer.
Men with Venn
By using complicated theoretical theories, super computers, and a compass, Britain’s most prominent boffins discovered the following:
Read on...
Namely, that people who truly believe Rees-Mogg could one day be PM are:
- Wealthy to the point that, when they talk, they sound like their mouths are stuffed with jewels.
- Unpleasant to the point that they support a man who probably thinks the Spanish Inquisition was a bit too PC.
- Deluded to the point that they think Jacob Rees-Mogg could one day be PM.
Dead cats
The problem, obviously, is that there aren’t that many people like that.
So who is supporting Jacob Rees-Mogg?
Well, according to an inside source, ‘Moggmania’ has actually been fabricated by none other than Theresa May; the PM realising that the only way of staying in power is to make sure her opposition is even worse than she is.
Off The Perch has seen CCTV footage that seems to depict the PM in a hoodie going around spray-painting tags like:
JACOB REES-MOGG IS FINE.
MAKE MINE MOGG.
STRONG AND JACOB.
MOGGMANIA? YES, PLEASE.
PLANT THE MOGGIC MONEY REES.
Although it’s likely that her plan will ultimately fail, of course. Because the PM is pretty much allergic to success.
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