Theresa May is so bad at being Prime Minister that she makes signs fall to pieces in despair.
As such, she might have to stop being PM soon. Because if her presence alone can do that to a sign, just imagine what her leadership can do to the country.
This obviously means that May will be looking for a new job. Which is almost certainly why she has updated her CV – a CV that Off The Perch has exclusively seen.
Curriculum, oh my
Of interest in the updated CV was the following:
2016-2017: Prime Minister of Great Britain.
2017-2017: Deputy Prime Minister to Jeremy Corbyn following a somewhat disappointing general election.
Diplomacy: I found the trick to keeping everyone happy on Brexit was to never have a position on anything. Well – I say ‘happy’ – it was more ‘equally annoyed’ really. No one could say my Brexit plan was bad though. I didn’t have one.
Team Work: Eww – no. No thank you.
Self-confidence: I called a snap election I barely planned for while knowing I have all the charm of a medical waste bag. So yes, you could say I’m somewhat confident in myself.
- Running through fields of wheat.
- Walking through fields of wheat.
- Reminiscing about fields of wheat.
- Systematically stripping benefits from disabled people and driving them to suicide as part of an ideological war against compassion, human decency, and the concept of ‘society’.
It’s unclear yet if May will actually go. Obviously she should, but what’s the point really?
The Tory government is nosediving, and the only people wanting to take hold of the wheel are the ones who’ve always seen politics as a kamikaze run on the British dream of social democracy.
In other words, strap yourself in and prepare for turbulence.
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?