The NHS is now ‘this much gooder’, claims Jeremy Hunt

The NHS is now this much gooder claims Jeremy Hunt OTP
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No matter how bad the NHS gets, Jeremy Hunt is prepared to appear on national TV and claim that not only is everything okay, it’s actually – if anything – getting better.

In the past, Hunt would use misleading figures. Having realised that no one believes him anyway, he’s now using less rigorous claims.

Things can only get gooder

When asked why the NHS was so much worse than before he was allowed to put his slimy, goblinoid hands all over it, Hunt replied:

Yes, it is a lot better now. Some might say too good. Others might say we’re spoiling you!

The confused interviewer asked why patients were so increasingly unhappy, then:

Patients are actually more happy now than ever. Just yesterday I overheard a patient saying the longer waiting times had given him a chance to take up a new hobby. He said it was ‘calling that wanker at the Health Department, and asking what’s going on’.

The interviewer followed up by pointing out that doctors and nurses also seemed to be quite vexed with him:

Read on...

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Nonsense! It’s just banter!

They feel so comfortable with me that they insult me like they would an old friend. It’s like when you’re out with friends and they say something standard like: ‘You should be in prison, you poisonous, fucking slug.’

Impartial reporting

At this point, there’s basically no reason to listen to anything Hunt says. To get an accurate reading of his interviews, we recommend you:

  1. Turn the volume off.
  2. Write the word *LIES* on the screen and pretend it’s subtitles.
  3. Throw a shoe at the screen.

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– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

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