‘Let the EU nurses leave!’ say people who can afford to go private

Support us and go ad-free

There has been some concern about the decline in EU nurses wanting to work in the UK. Or at least there has been amongst:

unpatriotic cowards who should deal with things getting worse so that we can make things better.

This statement having been made by someone who is wealthy enough to receive private health care.

Patriotism

Speaking to a crowd of Brexiteers, Lord Bile-Gland went on to say:

So what if all these nurses bugger off? If you ask me, it’s worth not having enough nurses if it helps us to get over our reliance on having enough nurses.

People these days are too coddled. In the old days, your average peasant would just keel over and croak it with nary a fuss. And look at the war generation. They didn’t even have bananas, and you didn’t hear them complaining!

At this point, a member of the crowd pointed out that WWII was actually somewhat unpopular. They also suggested that maybe we should be aiming for a higher standard of living than the Blitz.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

This caused Lord Bile-Gland to shout:

Saboteur! Saboteur!

A call that resulted in scores of angry men brandishing rolled-up copies of The Express falling upon the enemy of the people.

Training

The government does intend to make up for the EU nurses we’re repelling by training more of our own. The problem with this plan being that:

  1. The Tories never follow through on their plans.
  2. Training to be a nurse has never been less appealing.
  3. Seriously – the Tories never follow through on their plans.

Unless of course it was their secret intention to ruin the country and run through scandals like Theresa May runs through crap soundbites.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Public Domain Pictures

Support us and go ad-free

Fund our Investigations Unit

You can help us investigate corruption, expose injustice and uncover the truth.

As one of the only independent investigations units in the country, we work for you – but we need your help to keep going. We need to raise £10,000 to continue our groundbreaking investigations. Can you chip in?

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed