Gavin Williamson ‘is not controlling me’, May claims in speech written by Gavin Williamson

Gavin Williamson ‘is not controlling me’, May claims in speech written by Williamson OTP
Support us and go ad-free

When Theresa May promoted the chief whip in the middle of a whip’s office scandal, many people were flabbergasted; with ‘many people’ including Tory MPs:

The assumption is that May is so weak that Gavin Williamson – the former chief whip – is now able to operate her like a drab muppet.

It turns out that May isn’t being controlled, though. Or at least that’s what she claimed in a speech that was suspiciously written by Williamson himself.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

I am not a puppet

Speaking outside 10 Downing Street, May said:

There is something I would like to clear up. I did not promote Gavin Williamson because he knows my deepest, darkest secrets. Far from it. I promoted him because he is the right man for the job.

May glanced at Williamson before reading the next part – a look of nausea on her face:

I would also like to say that Gavin Williamson is the single best human being I have ever met. And in all honesty, he would make a much better prime minister than myself. Although, obviously, I will be around for the foreseeable…

May looked at Williamson again as he held up several fingers:

for at least another eight months.

The PM then shuffled away, muttering: “Jesus – that long?”

Dirt

People are wondering what dirt Williamson could possibly have on May. The rumour is that, when May said she once ‘ran through a field of wheat’, what she actually meant was ‘killed and ate a clown’.

Although obviously that’s just a rumour.

For now.

#Don’tSue.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia / Pixabay

Support us and go ad-free

Fund our Investigations Unit

You can help us investigate corruption, expose injustice and uncover the truth.

As one of the only independent investigations units in the country, we work for you – but we need your help to keep going. We need to raise £10,000 to continue our groundbreaking investigations. Can you chip in?

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed