Government celebrates 1 entire day without fresh scandal
Theresa May’s government has little to celebrate these days. In fact, if her government was a tub of Celebrations, it would be one in which the chocolates had been replaced with cat turds.
As such, May is being forced to celebrate even the most minor of achievements.
Appearing outside Downing Street, May told the gathered press:
A lot of people said we could not do it. But to them I say we have! We have gone a full day without a fresh scandal being exposed!
A journalist interjected at this point and asked if this was only because May had all her MPs tied up and held captive at Number 10:
“Preposterous!” May said in response, while laughing nervously.
Unfortunately for her, a Tory big-beast managed to escape at that very moment – jumping out of a first floor window while gagged and without pants.
“Bloody hell,” May grumbled, before updating the sign to read ‘0 days without scandal’.
Of course, it’s important to remember that they only went one day without a fresh scandal.
Because pretty much every arm of this government is scandalous.
From the Health Secretary who wants to change the ‘S’ in ‘NHS’ to ‘swindle; to the Trade Secretaries you wouldn’t trust to go out and buy milk; to the Prime Minister who couldn’t lead a conga line without heading straight for the nearest cliff like a lemming.
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via Wikimedia
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.