Theresa May’s government has little to celebrate these days. In fact, if her government was a tub of Celebrations, it would be one in which the chocolates had been replaced with cat turds.
As such, May is being forced to celebrate even the most minor of achievements.
Appearing outside Downing Street, May told the gathered press:
A lot of people said we could not do it. But to them I say we have! We have gone a full day without a fresh scandal being exposed!
A journalist interjected at this point and asked if this was only because May had all her MPs tied up and held captive at Number 10:
“Preposterous!” May said in response, while laughing nervously.
Unfortunately for her, a Tory big-beast managed to escape at that very moment – jumping out of a first floor window while gagged and without pants.
“Bloody hell,” May grumbled, before updating the sign to read ‘0 days without scandal’.
Of course, it’s important to remember that they only went one day without a fresh scandal.
Because pretty much every arm of this government is scandalous.
From the Health Secretary who wants to change the ‘S’ in ‘NHS’ to ‘swindle; to the Trade Secretaries you wouldn’t trust to go out and buy milk; to the Prime Minister who couldn’t lead a conga line without heading straight for the nearest cliff like a lemming.
Featured image via Wikimedia