The Daily Mail claims Paperchase has been ‘hijacked by black, liberal transsexuals who own allotments’

Daily Fail OTP Daily Mail
Steve Topple

The Daily Mail has hit back at high street retailer Paperchase after the chain pulled the plug on a promotional deal with the right-wing tabloid. But the paper appears to have mellowed since Paperchase announced its withdrawal, as it only managed six offensive tropes in a statement on its website.

Whoops

The Daily Mail‘s response came after what it called the “yoghurt-knitting twinkle-toes” campaign group Stop Funding Hate scored a victory over the tabloid. This was in relation to Paperchase withdrawing from a deal in the paper, offering a lifetime’s supply of “Make America Great Again!” Post-it notes and matching sun visors.

Journalist for The Daily Mail Percival Webb-Foot had previously described Paperchase as “doe-eyed p**fters promoting gay parenting and Muslamist festivals to unwitting shoppers”; alluding to the retailer’s “Happy Two Fathers Day!” and “Wishing You All The Best This Ramadan!” cards and novelties.

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.

But in a statement on Tuesday 21 November, The Daily Mail significantly toned down its condemnation of the retailer; merely accusing Paperchase of being:

hijacked by black, liberal transsexuals who own allotments. And they’re probably gluten intolerant REMOANERS, too.

Seemingly out-of-character, it went on to say:

Paperchase may wish to promote soppy, Corbynist values like shared bathrooms, a public health service and ‘black lives mattering’. But here at The Daily Mail we are pleased that this fawning, snowflake-forelock-tugging company has chosen to end its advertising contract with us. We pride ourselves on our British values, and clearly a company supporting ethnic, religious and sexual tolerance does not fit those criteria.

Have a Daily Mail Christmas

The Daily Mail also used the opportunity to promote its new range of Christmas cards; in a seemingly direct challenge to Paperchase. Messages and greetings in the range include:

  • Merry Brexitmas!
  • Seasons Greetings For The Coldest Winter Since Records Began!
  • Eat! Drink! But Don’t Be Too Merry As Red Wine Gives You Cancer!
  • Eat! Drink! And Be Merry As Red Wine Cures Cancer!
  • She Is Risen! (Depicting an image of the late Princess Diana with a crown of thorns.)
  • On This Day A Child Was Born Unto Us! But Don’t Mention Jesus Was An Immigrant!

Off The Perch asked Paperchase for comment. A spokesperson said:

The Daily Mail can fuck right off and get in the sea.

It has been rumoured that Virgin Media and Currys PC World are set to be the next big names to pull out of The Daily Mail. Its readers’ Christmas shopping lists are beginning to look somewhat restricted.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Kerry-Anne Mendoza

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed

Steve Topple