‘Generous’ Royals to pay for wedding with money that they ‘earned’

'Generous' Royals OTP
Support us and go ad-free

When the Royal Wedding was announced, Britons had two questions:

  1. Are we getting a day off?
  2. How much is this shit going to cost us?

The answer to the first was: no. But the answer to the second was a glorious: nothing! Because the Royals have generously agreed to pay for their own wedding.

Using that money… which we pay them… with our money…

Generosity

We spoke to the Queen to find out more.

Surprisingly.

You would have thought she’d be a bit above us, but apparently not.

Anyway, she told Off The Perch:

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

To be honest, one could do with offloading a bit of cash. I’m having my Scrooge McDuck-style money pool scrubbed, and it always takes longer to clean when it’s overflowing.

We asked why the money pool was being cleaned out.

“It’s full of parasites,” the Queen answered.

We explained that we already knew she and her family used the pool, but we wanted to know why she was having it cleaned.

“It’s full of parasites!” she repeated.

This back-and-forth went on for some time. Which was fine for her as, when you’re the Queen, you’re always on the clock.

A royal to-do

Of course, the Royals could have made the country pay for their wedding and kept ‘their’ cash to themselves.

Possibly.

Or maybe they realise that, after seven gruelling years of austerity, it isn’t going to take much for people to start asking questions like:

Why have these Royals got so many spare rooms?

And:

How much do you reckon we’d get for that fancy gold hat she’s always wearing?

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

Fund our Investigations Unit

You can help us investigate corruption, expose injustice and uncover the truth.

As one of the only independent investigations units in the country, we work for you – but we need your help to keep going. We need to raise £10,000 to continue our groundbreaking investigations. Can you chip in?

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed