Brexit ‘breakthrough’ as May negotiates deal that’s mutually disappointing for everyone

Support us and go ad-free

At 48-52%, the Brexit vote was incredibly close. This makes it difficult to move forwards, as any decision will likely infuriate a good half of the population.

Theresa May, however, has found a solution.

Sort of.

Namely in finding a position that merely leaves everyone somewhat annoyed.


The media has announced a BREAKTHROUGH™ in Brexit talks. Of course, further reading revealed that this BREAKTHROUGH™ was actually just a case of the Tories backing down on pretty much everything. Or at least that’s what the Brexiteers seem to think anyway:

The Tories actually seem quite pleased with it, however. Although they kind of have to seem quite pleased with it, as they’re the ones selling it. Much like Derek Trotter selling chocolate kettles on a drizzly, mid-week afternoon:

The EU was also supportive. Although then again, why wouldn’t they be? They’re getting everything they want:

The end result is that everyone is somewhat annoyed. Brexiteers because we don’t get to shoot ourselves in the face, and Remainers because we’re still shooting ourselves in the foot.


Speaking to a crowd of gathered reporters, the PM said:

A wise man once said you can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can please anyone on Brexit, because it’s bullshit.

Oh dear, did I just say that out loud? This is how these EU scoundrels get you – they make you negotiate for 48 hours straight, and then you can’t tell what’s what anymore.


At that point, May walked into what was quite clearly a janitorial closet. A few minutes later, snoring was heard. There was also sleep-screaming that went:


Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed