Brexit ‘breakthrough’ as May negotiates deal that’s mutually disappointing for everyone

John Shafthauer

At 48-52%, the Brexit vote was incredibly close. This makes it difficult to move forwards, as any decision will likely infuriate a good half of the population.

Theresa May, however, has found a solution.

Sort of.

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Namely in finding a position that merely leaves everyone somewhat annoyed.

Breakthrough!

The media has announced a BREAKTHROUGH™ in Brexit talks. Of course, further reading revealed that this BREAKTHROUGH™ was actually just a case of the Tories backing down on pretty much everything. Or at least that’s what the Brexiteers seem to think anyway:

The Tories actually seem quite pleased with it, however. Although they kind of have to seem quite pleased with it, as they’re the ones selling it. Much like Derek Trotter selling chocolate kettles on a drizzly, mid-week afternoon:

The EU was also supportive. Although then again, why wouldn’t they be? They’re getting everything they want:

The end result is that everyone is somewhat annoyed. Brexiteers because we don’t get to shoot ourselves in the face, and Remainers because we’re still shooting ourselves in the foot.

May-day

Speaking to a crowd of gathered reporters, the PM said:

A wise man once said you can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can please anyone on Brexit, because it’s bullshit.

Oh dear, did I just say that out loud? This is how these EU scoundrels get you – they make you negotiate for 48 hours straight, and then you can’t tell what’s what anymore.

Anyway!

At that point, May walked into what was quite clearly a janitorial closet. A few minutes later, snoring was heard. There was also sleep-screaming that went:

BREXIT MEANS AAAAARGH!

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Featured image via Flickr

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