Brexit ‘breakthrough’ as May negotiates deal that’s mutually disappointing for everyone

At 48-52%, the Brexit vote was incredibly close. This makes it difficult to move forwards, as any decision will likely infuriate a good half of the population.

Theresa May, however, has found a solution.

Sort of.

Namely in finding a position that merely leaves everyone somewhat annoyed.


The media has announced a BREAKTHROUGH™ in Brexit talks. Of course, further reading revealed that this BREAKTHROUGH™ was actually just a case of the Tories backing down on pretty much everything. Or at least that’s what the Brexiteers seem to think anyway:

The Tories actually seem quite pleased with it, however. Although they kind of have to seem quite pleased with it, as they’re the ones selling it. Much like Derek Trotter selling chocolate kettles on a drizzly, mid-week afternoon:

The EU was also supportive. Although then again, why wouldn’t they be? They’re getting everything they want:

The end result is that everyone is somewhat annoyed. Brexiteers because we don’t get to shoot ourselves in the face, and Remainers because we’re still shooting ourselves in the foot.


Speaking to a crowd of gathered reporters, the PM said:

A wise man once said you can please all of the people some of the time, and you can please some of the people all of the time, but you can please anyone on Brexit, because it’s bullshit.

Oh dear, did I just say that out loud? This is how these EU scoundrels get you – they make you negotiate for 48 hours straight, and then you can’t tell what’s what anymore.


At that point, May walked into what was quite clearly a janitorial closet. A few minutes later, snoring was heard. There was also sleep-screaming that went:


Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Flickr

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed