‘Misleading statements’ made by Damian Green may actually have just been ‘lies’

John Shafthauer

When Theresa May ‘asked Damian Green to resign’ for ‘making misleading statements’, many were impressed. There had been some worry that the First Secretary might be ‘shit-canned’ for ‘telling brazen and remorseless lies’ to the public, but obviously this was not the case:

It has since transpired, though, that these ‘misleading statements’ were a misleading statement in themselves.

Bullshit

A journalist who saw through this façade asked Green if he was straight up talking out of his arse. They also asked if the PR-speak was an attempt to soft-soap the public into thinking the prominent Tory hadn’t really done anything wrong.

Green appeared to mishear the questions, though, and responded:

Look, that soft-soap was on my desk for purely sanitary reasons. The insinuations that it was some sort of lubrication gel are entirely unfounded.

The journalist asked if this was another hard denial. Green once more misheard, though:

It isn’t hard, it’s just the cut of these trousers!

To be fair to Green, he was having issue with said pants – primarily that they seemed to be on fire. He denied it was the result of lying, though, and claimed it was merely a case of:

Misleading statement-maker, misleading statement-maker, pants on fire.

Lies, damned lies, and day-to-day Tory governance

According to Jeremy Hunt, the police are the real bad guys in all of this. And he’s right. Because we now run the risk of becoming a 1984 style country – a state in which public servants are no longer free to spend all day browsing the internet one-handed.

That was the plot of 1984, right?

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John Shafthauer