‘Please, sir, can we have some socialism?’ ask Carillion shareholders

John Shafthauer

After years of playing fast and loose with public money, the company Carillion is going into liquidation. Much like the banks, though, Carillion may be ‘too big to fail’.

This is in contrast to an organisation like the NHS, obviously, which must inevitably fail because it’s too big.

Please sir

As soon as things looked bad for them, the bigwigs behind Carillion sidled over to the government service counter.

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“Please, sir, can we have some socialism?” they asked.

“Yes, of course,” the government said. “Here – have a great big dollop of it.”

“Err, excuse me,” said the Education Department, “but these corporate types just pushed in front of us.”

The government shrugged, as Education gestured to all the other half-starved departments in the queue.

“Well what about us?” Education asked. “Can we have some socialism too?”

“Sorry,” the government said, “but we’re all out.”

At this point, the DUP budged to the front of the queue and nodded at its plate. The government heaped some socialism on it. And then, after several seconds of glaring from the DUP, it heaped on some more.

“You realise we all just saw that, right?” Education said.

The government shrugged again, as it took a great big handful of socialism and gorged itself on it.

That’s what I want

Margaret Thatcher famously said the trouble with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money. She also deregulated banking, which allowed the banks to play around with other people’s money. Something which went swimmingly until 2008, when they ran out of said money and had to ask for some more.

The same thing could be happening now. Because the trouble with capitalism is that you never run out of other people’s money. Not as long as politics is crooked.

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John Shafthauer