Ousted Labour councillor caught bulldozing a community centre

John Shafthauer

Labour council leader Claire Kober recently resigned. Some say she was hounded out by ultra-left eco-pricks. Others say that her plan to help big business gentrify local residents out of their homes was at odds with Labour’s aim of being less evil.

Another councillor who was ousted has taken matters into their own hands, however. Although it’s hard to tell what they think said plan has achieved.

Full steam ahead

Ex-councillor Bob Roberts stole a bulldozer at 11:30pm on Sunday 4 February. As he headed for town, he was heard shouting:

This will show those Stalinists who cares for the community more!

And:

I probably shouldn’t have drunk so much champagne at that Carillion buffet!

Not long after, Roberts bulldozed several council houses and a local community centre. As people’s lives were crushed beneath his mighty progress, the former politician yelled:

Moderate politics for the win, baby! Woo! Blair did nothing wrong!

Roberts then passed out. Luckily, his fall from the bulldozer was cushioned by all the money that had been stuffed into his pockets by construction companies.

Ruthless efficiency

Claire Kober said she wouldn’t have been called incompetent if she were a man. The issue with these people isn’t that they’re bad at getting things done, though: it’s that they’re very efficient at doing bad things.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via United States Air Force (image was altered)

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed