The tabloids have recently suggested that Jeremy Corbyn was selling secrets he didn’t have to Czechoslovakia. It now turns out that another political figure could have been up to similar shenanigans, as Theresa May has been pictured with a hostile, foreign agent.
Rupert Murdoch owns The Sun and The Times newspapers. He’s also an Australian-born American citizen/scumbag.
According to one source, the PM allegedly told Murdoch the following secrets:
- I’ll do whatever you want for some good press.
- I’m out of my depth. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
- Did you know there’s a Northern Ireland?
- Some nights I wake up crying.
- I’ve lost all the respect of my party and staff. A pigeon got into Number 10 the other day, and when I asked a member of staff to shoo it out, he told me to ‘put a sock in it’.
- I’m thinking about taking up heroin. I tried golf, but I just don’t have the follow-through.
- This is the longest I’ve talked without someone looking annoyed in months.
The Conservative Party has denied the allegations. A spokesperson for 10 Downing Street said:
These claims are preposterous. They’re hardly secrets, are they? Everyone knows she’s out of her depth.
Murdoch, meanwhile, said the claims were “bonza”, and that:
If you think my influence is bad now, just wait until I’m zapping my bile directly into your brains.
When May was asked if she agreed with Murdoch’s plan to invade our minds with his evil, Australian technology, the PM said:
I don’t know. I’ll have to ask him.
Featured image via Flickr – Avaaz Times (image was altered)