Johnson denies Vote Leave told lies (that weren’t written on a bus)
There’s been some suggestion that Vote Leave may have overspent during the EU referendum. To show that the Tories are on the level, Downing Street promptly outed a homosexual whistleblower and put his Pakistani family at risk.
Worried this still didn’t do enough to instil faith in the party, they’ve also deployed history’s most trustworthy man – Boris Johnson.
Get on your bus
As usual, Johnson came flanked by several aides carrying fire extinguishers. Due to EU regulations, it’s almost impossible for politicians like him to buy trousers that don’t spontaneously catch fire when they’re talking.
Speaking to the gathered journalists, Johnson said:
This whole story is a load of thunderguff and bullpiffle. If we were doing clever things like that, we would have written it on the side of a bus.
It’s also worth remembering that using buses to scam elections is perfectly legal now anyway. Remember the 2015 general election? We scammed that with the old battle bus, and we barely even got a slap on the wrist.
A journalist asked if this meant Johnson was saying they actually did break electoral law.
Read on...
“I’m certainly saying something,” he answered.
Perhaps worried he’d let the narrative get away from him, Johnson spent the next several minutes making fart noises with his armpit.
Remain
Many Remainers are confident that this latest revelation means Brexit will have to be reversed.
But while Brexit may be a scam perpetrated by charlatans, the same can be said of the Conservative government, and it’s taken us eight years to persuade 40% of the population of that.
On that time scale, expect a second referendum some time in 2032.
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via YouTube screengrab
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
