We’re now mere days away from Theresa May’s Brexit deal/career being voted into oblivion. In a desperate attempt to cling on to both, the PM has given yet another speech. This time she chose to spout her bull in a china shop.
Feeling more anxious than ever, May pulled out the big guns. She warned:
If my proposal isn’t voted through, there will be a no-deal Brexit. Although, I would simultaneously like to warn the Brexiteers that if my deal doesn’t go through, there will be no Brexit at all. Basically – no matter what you’re worried about – the only way of avoiding it is to vote for me.
As the speech trundled on, the PM became even more distressed, and began rambling:
Remember those killer seagulls from a few years ago? I’ve been personally shooing the foul birds away, and if you vote me out, they’ll be back before you can say ‘hostile environment’.
She concluded by pleading:
Oh, go on! Just vote for it! It’s not that bad, is it? It’s certainly no shitter than anything else I’ve heard.
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You Brexit, you pay for it
Since her speech, May has been going around parliament – offering to buy MPs snacks on her expenses. In response to this, one Labour MP remarked:
It’s rather sad, really. By which I mean fully deserved, obviously – the massive, hate-spreading bastard.
Featured image via screengrab
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