Desperate PM talks bull in a china shop

Theresa May in a China shop saying "It's my deal or... I don't know... Cornwall will slide into the sea or something"
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We’re now mere days away from Theresa May’s Brexit deal/career being voted into oblivion. In a desperate attempt to cling on to both, the PM has given yet another speech. This time she chose to spout her bull in a china shop.

Mugs

Feeling more anxious than ever, May pulled out the big guns. She warned:

If my proposal isn’t voted through, there will be a no-deal Brexit. Although, I would simultaneously like to warn the Brexiteers that if my deal doesn’t go through, there will be no Brexit at all. Basically – no matter what you’re worried about – the only way of avoiding it is to vote for me.

As the speech trundled on, the PM became even more distressed, and began rambling:

Remember those killer seagulls from a few years ago? I’ve been personally shooing the foul birds away, and if you vote me out, they’ll be back before you can say ‘hostile environment’.

She concluded by pleading:

Oh, go on! Just vote for it! It’s not that bad, is it? It’s certainly no shitter than anything else I’ve heard.

Read on...

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You Brexit, you pay for it 

Since her speech, May has been going around parliament – offering to buy MPs snacks on her expenses. In response to this, one Labour MP remarked:

It’s rather sad, really. By which I mean fully deserved, obviously – the massive, hate-spreading bastard.

 

Featured image via screengrab

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