Tories to replace Chris Grayling with cardboard cut-out of Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling besides a cutout of himself
Support us and go ad-free

Chris Grayling is known for doing many things – all of which are terrible. To avoid answering for these failings, Grayling has taken to deploying a cardboard cut-out of himself. This is proving to be a bad move, as party HQ has realised the cut-out is more efficient than the man himself.

Grayling up

Grayling is now world famous for his incompetence:

So what keeps him in government? Well, it’s a couple of things – namely:

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free
  • His loyalty to Theresa May.
  • His ability to look very boring despite perpetrating the most awful of policies.

Grayling has a problem, though. It’s true he’s supposed to function as a wrecking ball that lays waste to the British state, but he’s also a fucking idiot. As such, the damage he’s inflicting isn’t limited to the things he’s aimed at.

Grayling’s banal rampage has drawn unwelcome attention. This is quite difficult for a Tory to do, as most of the media is pretty relaxed about them trashing the country. The cardboard cut-out, however, is able to just get on with the job of following orders and looking dull.

Cardboard

Analysts predict the cut-out will be able to carry on ruining the transport network without accidentally spending £2bn on chocolate snow ploughs or replacing train guards with kangaroos. They also expect the cut-out to answer as many questions on its performance as the man himself – i.e. none.

Featured image via Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia / pixabay

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us