Theresa May has 24 hours to miraculously become competent

Theresa May saying "May means day" as a comet crashes behind her
John Shafthauer

The vote on Theresa May’s Brexit deal is tomorrow. That means she has a mere 24 hours to reverse a lifetime of crapness. That’s another 24 hours, obviously. She’s been in this situation before and keeps re-scheduling the same vote.

Either she’s incredibly masochistic, or she has some sort of credible plan we’re all unaware of.

Or maybe just magic 

Or yes – maybe she’s discovered some magical means of fixing her problem. According to one of her aides:

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.

She’s been wandering around Downing Street rubbing all the lamps and saying: ‘Hello? Genie? Are you in there, Mr Genie?’ I asked her why she didn’t try the genuine genie lamp that the London Museum liberated from Mesopotamia, and she said it was ‘too ethnic’.

The desperation hasn’t stopped there, either. A Chinese restaurateur told Off The Perch:

Continue reading below...

When I opened up this morning I heard a strange noise in the store room. Going in, I discovered a squatting Theresa May opening my fortune cookies – presumably hoping for a lucky prediction. Upon seeing me, she hissed and then crawled out through the window.

Reality

It seems like May’s hopes of magicking her way through Brexit will be dispelled tomorrow. Unless she extends Article 50 and keep re-scheduling the same vote on the same deal – exactly the sort of curse we should be expecting at this point.

Featured image via pixabay / Annika Haas – Wikimedia

Get involved

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support
John Shafthauer