My short and sweary case for voting Labour | Alexei Sayle

Alexei Sayle and Jeremy Corbyn
Support us and go ad-free

When you turn 60, a lot happens, particularly for someone like me. On my 60th birthday, Sting left a special new version of his song Every Breath You Take on my voicemail*, the Mayor of London gave me my free bus pass, and I got a letter from the NHS asking me to send a sample of my poo through the post. They even included a little kit to do it with.

To me, it seemed ungenerous to send the tiny amount they asked for, so I posted them about a kilo and a half. Then I noticed at the last minute that the return address for the poo wasn’t some NHS laboratory as I’d first thought but was, in fact, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s house. What, I wondered, did Jacob Rees Mogg want with so much old man poo?

Well, in Jewish mystical mythology there exists the tale of ‘The Golem’. The most famous account of The Golem comes from the late 16th century and concerns the Rabbi of Prague, Judah Loew ben Bezalel, who reportedly made a creature out of clay from the river banks and brought it to life through the use of spells, rituals, and incantations.

Explanations for why he did this vary. Some say he wanted to defend the Prague ghetto from antisemitic pogroms; others that he simply wished for a slave to do his bidding. Whatever the rabbi’s motives, in nearly all versions of the story he loses control of his creation, and the Golem eventually goes on a murderous rampage destroying all before him.

That’s what I think Jacob Rees-Mogg and his right-wing friends – the billionaire paper owners, the rapacious bankers, the weapons manufacturers, and the cowardly TV and radio pundits – have done: they’ve created a creature using spells, rituals, and incantations out of all that elderly bloke poo, and the name of that creature is Boris Johnson. They think they can control it, but they can’t because it’s profoundly evil, and cruel, and malevolent, and if its let loose it will destroy us all.

So if you don’t want to be governed by an evil creature made entirely out of shit, Vote Labour on 12 December.

(*no he didn’t)

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Featured image via Alexei Sayle and Wikimedia/Rwendland

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us