My short and sweary case for voting Labour | Alexei Sayle

Alexei Sayle and Jeremy Corbyn
Support us and go ad-free

When you turn 60, a lot happens, particularly for someone like me. On my 60th birthday, Sting left a special new version of his song Every Breath You Take on my voicemail*, the Mayor of London gave me my free bus pass, and I got a letter from the NHS asking me to send a sample of my poo through the post. They even included a little kit to do it with.

To me, it seemed ungenerous to send the tiny amount they asked for, so I posted them about a kilo and a half. Then I noticed at the last minute that the return address for the poo wasn’t some NHS laboratory as I’d first thought but was, in fact, Jacob Rees-Mogg’s house. What, I wondered, did Jacob Rees Mogg want with so much old man poo?

Well, in Jewish mystical mythology there exists the tale of ‘The Golem’. The most famous account of The Golem comes from the late 16th century and concerns the Rabbi of Prague, Judah Loew ben Bezalel, who reportedly made a creature out of clay from the river banks and brought it to life through the use of spells, rituals, and incantations.

Explanations for why he did this vary. Some say he wanted to defend the Prague ghetto from antisemitic pogroms; others that he simply wished for a slave to do his bidding. Whatever the rabbi’s motives, in nearly all versions of the story he loses control of his creation, and the Golem eventually goes on a murderous rampage destroying all before him.

That’s what I think Jacob Rees-Mogg and his right-wing friends – the billionaire paper owners, the rapacious bankers, the weapons manufacturers, and the cowardly TV and radio pundits – have done: they’ve created a creature using spells, rituals, and incantations out of all that elderly bloke poo, and the name of that creature is Boris Johnson. They think they can control it, but they can’t because it’s profoundly evil, and cruel, and malevolent, and if its let loose it will destroy us all.

So if you don’t want to be governed by an evil creature made entirely out of shit, Vote Labour on 12 December.

(*no he didn’t)

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Featured image via Alexei Sayle and Wikimedia/Rwendland

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us