As expected, Britain has lost it over the coronation

Charles visits Jersey
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Britain, famously a very normal country, has been acting strangely this week. Yes, it’s coronation time. And as with remembrance week, royal weddings, and moments of the Queen’s death, people are being mortifying.

As always, this involves window and street displays which look like they’ve been designed by a serial killer. Take, for example, this one in which Kate has been beheaded and Harry impersonates Top Gun:

Or this absolute masterclass, with what may or may not be a cake effigy of the king laid out ready for human sacrifice. Genuinely, what the f**k is wrong with everyone? Look:

Read on...

And this doll of Charles with inexplicable tiger-skin shoes:


However, not everyone has bought into royal worship. Some extremely chiseled, buff, and highly eligible people with great dress sense and an alluring aura of charisma and vulnerability used the occasion to outline a different vision.

People like this guy:

That’s right. I spoke to our friends at Double Down News about the history of republicanism in this country. And I explained why, scientifically, the French are cool and sexy precisely because they chopped all their royal heads off.

If anyone from Prevent is reading, it’s a joke. Also get a proper job and stop bothering people.

Dark history

Monarchy lovers like to disconnect the royal cartel from its past. For the sycophant, the royals are a neutral force who bring order and continuity. The truth is very different: violence, exploitation, and thuggery is how they got rich.

This week the Guardian published a list of monarchs who had profited from slavery. Indeed, let’s not forget how the British ruling class as a whole benefited. An investigation recently showed to extent which elite schools are built on the same human suffering.

This is an institution that apologists claim has none of the authoritarian power of the past. In truth, the coronation will be secured against dissent using high-tech facial recognition technology, as campaigners have warned.

So if you want to gush about the royals, that’s your call. But when you do so, stop pretending their existence is wholesome, positive, moral, and justified. Love it for what it is, a cartel of thugs and weirdos with zero moral authority.

Featured image via Wikimedia Commons/Dan Marsh, cropped to 770 x 403, licenced under CC BY 2.0.

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