Nation shocked as NoBoaty NoBoatFace loses ferry contract

Image of the sea with arrows pointing to 'planned ferry route' and 'planned ferry' - the irony being that there is no ferry


As part of its no-deal Brexit planning, the government… well… it didn’t actually do any planning, but it did offer money to anyone who’d sign a contract. One such entity was NoBoaty NoBoatFace. But now, said funding has been pulled.

As it turned out, NoBoaty NoBoatFace had failed to fill out the necessary paperwork for the boat it doesn’t own. This meant it wouldn’t be insured for the trips it’s incapable of fulfilling.

No boaty mo’ problems

Ironically, the government’s ‘planning’ for no-deal has done nothing but expose how unprepared we are. How unprepared we are for anything. It’s a miracle we survive through the winter each year.

Other no-deal Brexit planning has included:

  • Seeing how many Pot Noodle flavour sachets we can get from one zoo monkey.
  • Experimenting to see if confiscated street drugs can be used as children’s medicine.
  • Seeing how traffic copes following a controlled detonation of innovative jams in the Channel Tunnel.

The results, according to the Brexit ministry, were:

  • No sachets whatsoever and several stitches for the government’s chief monkey wrangler.
  • We’ll let you know when the kids come down off the ceiling.
  • Why did we explode the jam again?
Chaos with the Tories

You’d think all this failure would make our threats of leaving with no-deal ring hollow. What you’re forgetting is that we’re the idiots who gave NoBoaty NoBoatface a contract in the first place.

Featured image via Pexels

Related articles

Read on...

Get involved

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Related articles


TAGS: