Nation shocked as NoBoaty NoBoatFace loses ferry contract

Image of the sea with arrows pointing to 'planned ferry route' and 'planned ferry' - the irony being that there is no ferry
Wilson Belshaw

As part of its no-deal Brexit planning, the government… well… it didn’t actually do any planning, but it did offer money to anyone who’d sign a contract. One such entity was NoBoaty NoBoatFace. But now, said funding has been pulled.

As it turned out, NoBoaty NoBoatFace had failed to fill out the necessary paperwork for the boat it doesn’t own. This meant it wouldn’t be insured for the trips it’s incapable of fulfilling.

No boaty mo’ problems

Ironically, the government’s ‘planning’ for no-deal has done nothing but expose how unprepared we are. How unprepared we are for anything. It’s a miracle we survive through the winter each year.

Other no-deal Brexit planning has included:

  • Seeing how many Pot Noodle flavour sachets we can get from one zoo monkey.
  • Experimenting to see if confiscated street drugs can be used as children’s medicine.
  • Seeing how traffic copes following a controlled detonation of innovative jams in the Channel Tunnel.

The results, according to the Brexit ministry, were:

  • No sachets whatsoever and several stitches for the government’s chief monkey wrangler.
  • We’ll let you know when the kids come down off the ceiling.
  • Why did we explode the jam again?
Chaos with the Tories

You’d think all this failure would make our threats of leaving with no-deal ring hollow. What you’re forgetting is that we’re the idiots who gave NoBoaty NoBoatface a contract in the first place.

Featured image via Pexels

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Wilson Belshaw