James Cleverly ordered to change his surname by trading standards

Image of James Cleverly. Next to him is the word' Cleverly' with 'Not so' written above it


Support us and go ad-free

James Cleverly is well known on Twitter for saying things that draw his surname into question. Elsewhere, he’s basically unheard of. That’s changed now, as he’s announced a bid to become the next prime minister. As such, he’s drawn the attention of trading standards.

 

Related articles

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

James Idiotically

A spokesperson from trading standards said:

We probably should have got on to Mr Cleverly sooner, but we assumed his Twitter persona was a joke. How could one man be so consistently wrong about everything? How could one mouth fit so many feet?

Now that he’s running for PM, obviously we’ll have to take action. We can’t have politicians lying about what they’ll deliver. I mean – we do have that – but not this brazenly.

Trading standards offered some alternative names he could use. They included:

  • James Stupidly.
  • James Dastardly.
  • James Tediously.
  • James Wrongly.
  • James Pig-Fucking-Headedly.
  • James Against-All-Better-Judgemently.
  • James Probably-Shouldn’t-Have-Botheredly.
  • James Oh-God-Please-Make-Him-Stoppedly.
  • Clive Haddock.
Clever and cleverer 

Despite always being wrong about everything, Mr Haddock has argued that shouldn’t stop him becoming the next Tory PM. As he pointed out:

Just look at my predecessors.

This is actually a good point. The only good point Mr Haddock has ever made, in fact. A fact which suggests the ‘Cleverly’ name may in fact have been cursed.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Chris McAndrew

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Related articles


TAGS: