James Cleverly ordered to change his surname by trading standards

James Cleverly is well known on Twitter for saying things that draw his surname into question. Elsewhere, he’s basically unheard of. That’s changed now, as he’s announced a bid to become the next prime minister. As such, he’s drawn the attention of trading standards.

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So… the housing association sold off the flat in 2010. Seb Corbyn bought it in 2016. Struggling to see the scandal here.

I’d be curious to see what the property portfolios of sitting Conservative MPs are like though… https://t.co/RajXW3oiyj

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— Ash Sarkar (@AyoCaesar) February 17, 2019

Unfortunately this is the reality of some of my constituents. It's this out of touch #hostile cruelty of your government under #UniversalCredit and #Austerity that is ruining people's lives. Your patronising comments says a lot. #IDanielBlake #IDanielBlakeBBC2 #WeAreDanielBlake https://t.co/Vd852jLQQg

— (((Dawn Butler MP))) (@DawnButlerBrent) January 5, 2019

James Idiotically

A spokesperson from trading standards said:

We probably should have got on to Mr Cleverly sooner, but we assumed his Twitter persona was a joke. How could one man be so consistently wrong about everything? How could one mouth fit so many feet?

Now that he’s running for PM, obviously we’ll have to take action. We can’t have politicians lying about what they’ll deliver. I mean – we do have that – but not this brazenly.

Trading standards offered some alternative names he could use. They included:

• James Stupidly.
• James Dastardly.
• James Tediously.
• James Wrongly.
• James Pig-Fucking-Headedly.
• James Against-All-Better-Judgemently.
• James Probably-Shouldn’t-Have-Botheredly.
• James Oh-God-Please-Make-Him-Stoppedly.
• Clive Haddock.

Clever and cleverer 

Despite always being wrong about everything, Mr Haddock has argued that shouldn’t stop him becoming the next Tory PM. As he pointed out:

Just look at my predecessors.

This is actually a good point. The only good point Mr Haddock has ever made, in fact. A fact which suggests the ‘Cleverly’ name may in fact have been cursed.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Chris McAndrew