The public – by and large – fucking hate fox hunting. Tory members – by and large – couldn’t give a shit and want to torture animals anyway. This has given Jeremy Hunt – who only has to appeal to Tory members to become PM – an idea.
Or it did for about 45 minutes, anyway:
Jeremy Hunt backed and then immediately U-turned on fox hunting and people are very confused https://t.co/JQ7dYTUbj1
— indy100 (@indy100) July 4, 2019
He’s now got a new idea. Realising he could never get fox hunting through parliament – and that it would make him less popular than the guy who managed the NHS from 2012-2018 – he’s proposed something slightly more achievable.
The Hunt becomes the hunter
In a speech to Tory members, Hunt said:
Look – we all know that fox hunting is a proud English tradition. I can’t get it through parliament, but I can do the next best thing – and that’s personally hunt down and strangle a fox myself!
The Tory members looked confused. An awkward Hunt ignored this and set off on his horse. As he isn’t really one of those rural Tory-types, he’d actually turned up on a Vespa. He’d also brought cats instead of hounds – all of which immediately scratched him and ran off.
Hunt spent the next several hours prowling around the supermarket car park he’d mistaken for the countryside. Although it did have some bushes around it, it didn’t have any fox dens. It did have some hedgehogs, however. Hunt found this out to his terror when he went in the bushes for a piss and found himself surrounded.
“Clever girls,” he said.
The would-be PM was found several hours later, having suffered a grievous prickling. His odds of becoming PM remain the same, i.e. non-existent to laughable.
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?