Boris Johnson – the man who planned a bridge that never happened – is planning a high-speed railway in the north. Which sounds great. Until you remember that railway lines are owned by degenerate human vultures.
A leak has revealed what Virgin Rail has planned if the government is kind enough to build the company a fancy new railroad:
HS2 will allow us to transport commuters from Manchester to Leeds in half the time. That’s great, because it means we can get away with making the journey TWICE as miserable.
These train pigs might think they’re overcrowded now, but they haven’t seen anything yet! We’re planning double decker trains, but the top level will have no floors. Instead, passengers will stand on planks of wood held up by the commuters below them.
We can also get away with running half as many trains and charging twice the price. You know why? Because who’s going to fucking stop us, that’s why.
Some people have suggested that building a fancy new railway line without nationalising it is like buying soup without getting a bowl. And yes – it is like that. It’s going to be a hot, steaming mess that the next government will have to clean up.
Unless the Tories get in, in which case we’ll throw money at Virgin Cleaning to fuck that up, too.
Featured image via Jarle Naustvik – Flickr
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?