Boris Johnson plans high speed Northern line to ‘turbo charge’ Richard Branson

Image of Richard Branson smiling
Support us and go ad-free

Boris Johnson – the man who planned a bridge that never happened – is planning a high-speed railway in the north. Which sounds great. Until you remember that railway lines are owned by degenerate human vultures.

Dick Branson

A leak has revealed what Virgin Rail has planned if the government is kind enough to build the company a fancy new railroad:

HS2 will allow us to transport commuters from Manchester to Leeds in half the time. That’s great, because it means we can get away with making the journey TWICE as miserable.

These train pigs might think they’re overcrowded now, but they haven’t seen anything yet! We’re planning double decker trains, but the top level will have no floors. Instead, passengers will stand on planks of wood held up by the commuters below them.

We can also get away with running half as many trains and charging twice the price. You know why? Because who’s going to fucking stop us, that’s why.

Pointless

Some people have suggested that building a fancy new railway line without nationalising it is like buying soup without getting a bowl. And yes – it is like that. It’s going to be a hot, steaming mess that the next government will have to clean up.

Unless the Tories get in, in which case we’ll throw money at Virgin Cleaning to fuck that up, too.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Featured image via Jarle Naustvik – Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us