Boris Johnson – the man who planned a bridge that never happened – is planning a high-speed railway in the north. Which sounds great. Until you remember that railway lines are owned by degenerate human vultures.
A leak has revealed what Virgin Rail has planned if the government is kind enough to build the company a fancy new railroad:
HS2 will allow us to transport commuters from Manchester to Leeds in half the time. That’s great, because it means we can get away with making the journey TWICE as miserable.
These train pigs might think they’re overcrowded now, but they haven’t seen anything yet! We’re planning double decker trains, but the top level will have no floors. Instead, passengers will stand on planks of wood held up by the commuters below them.
We can also get away with running half as many trains and charging twice the price. You know why? Because who’s going to fucking stop us, that’s why.
Some people have suggested that building a fancy new railway line without nationalising it is like buying soup without getting a bowl. And yes – it is like that. It’s going to be a hot, steaming mess that the next government will have to clean up.
Unless the Tories get in, in which case we’ll throw money at Virgin Cleaning to fuck that up, too.
Featured image via Jarle Naustvik – Flickr
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.